After many trail scouts, time trials, anal maps, and a few last minute changes, it was D-day for Flying Booger, Casual Friday and the Pack. The weather started out pleasant for a 14-mile bike hash; to turn chilly and cloudy by beer check. It was difficult to hide the all-knowing grin from Booger's and my face as we were going to attempt to hook the pack into some checkbacks, adding a possible 4.5 miles to true trail. We threw one decision point in the beginning of trail to make the pack think we were using them to signal change in direction; little did they know they were in for quite a ride. Booger was anxious knowing that laying live trail has its risks; being snared and screwing up trail as the biggest, followed by shame from the co-hare and self-embarrassment. After feeding Sunday morning's pack red wine and wafers, Booger psyched the pack out by blatantly handing me a walkie-talkie to clip onto my flour sack. As the pack was then agitated, we loaded up our maps, flour, and chalk while crossing our fingers that yesterday's hash trail crossings wouldn't screw us up too bad.
Booger started laying trail as I shifted my flour sack to my back and veered in the opposite direction to complete my mission to hook up with trail in less than 9 minutes. I figured if someone from the pack decided to follow me, he would get awfully screwed up as most of my non-marking un-true trail was marked by yesterday's hash powder.
My haring mentor CD would have been proud, as we laid trail in sections while making sure they looked exactly alike in order to fool the front riding bastards, also known as Fatty, Blowcox, In The Butt Bob and Asshole in El Paso. Powder was laid in an obvious path to both check backs in the first half of trail, which the pack fell for hook, line and sprocket. Booger's decision point with no powder fakes must have psyched them out again, as he wasn't snared. I have to give the front riders some credit, even though they read the location of the beer check on Booger's blog a few days prior to the hash, they stayed on trail and fell for the checkbacks. I forgot to nominate the pack for the stud award on that one, however I told them Booger did that on purpose in order to psych them out once again.
The beer check went well, the pack arrived at the same time and Booger and I slapped a high-five. The sun was disappearing behind thickening clouds so Booger and I loaded up with powder we stashed behind a metal utility box. We took off while the pack was sharing bloody marys inside. The second half of the trail was our finest, as a checkback down a well-known bike path was successful. At the finish I had asked who got sucked into the Old Spanish Trail checkback, everyone raised their hand. Sweet. Booger and I were concerned about a left turn at a busy intersection on trail, however the pack executed it flawlessly thanks to a well-placed map on trail.
The first of the pack who made it to finish were short-cutters HM-Ho, Just Darrel, Pick N Flick, What's Up Doc and Just Dee. Trail trial proved our pack to be weak; they complained of too many hills even though we're in the desert and there are no hills. They complained the pack was too stuck-together and there were too many checkbacks. What the hell? Booger and I knew it was plain to see that our flawless haring reputation was still intact. We had a few hearty Pedalfiles virgins join the hash; Just Darrel, Just Dee, Blowcox, In The Butt Bob, and Meat Flaps. Nominees for the Shit Award were Papa Don't Peek for stealing a bike from and old lady, Meat Flaps for complaining about the hares executing a flawless trail, Tour De Bone for screwing Meat Flaps by not bringing his bike for her, and the Hares won the award because the waitress had an attitude problem. The Bitch Award went to Blowcox for bitching about seeing too many people die on bicycles and panicking about traffic; she threatened to take her bike and go home. The other nominees were Is It In Yet from Globe complaining about his numb nuts, dead head, and cold ears; followed by Meat Flaps for bitching about getting pinched by the hole in her seat (okay, which seat, which hole, and dare I suggest outpatient surgery), Woodpecker for the wrong award nomination and the hares for good measure (Booger and I know they were just jealous). After Fatty tattled on Just Greg funkifying the men's bathroom, it was time for his naming. Names that made the short-list were "Funkify," "Pale Rider" and "Powder." The winning name is "Dung-shui." If you were not present at the Pedalfiles hash, feel free to ask him how he received his name the next time you see him.
Stay-tuned for next month's hash as it will be the first annual Pedalfiles red dress run, hared by Plush Toy and Cockstalker on February 18.
On-On Wankers!
Casual Friday
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