Mother's Day Hash
We had a nice showing of wankers at Old Chicago for the Pedalfiles hash #8. The sun was shining and it was not terribly hot yet, as was forecasted for later that day. We had some returners show up; Pigs in a Blanket, Just Darrell (isn’t he due a hash name?), Just Karen (our secret beverage angel) and cumming late of course; Arthur Gash. The Mother’s Day hares Cockstalker and Straight to Video slid out by 9:15 AM. Bimbo and I assumed the trail was secretly pre-laid as they left in slow motion. We realize it is easy to keep calm when there’s only 2 blocks to cover with flour and we also noticed they only took three pounds of powder, split between the two of them. Who says Harriettes don’t pay attention to details? As usual, the hares asked for 20 minutes and they received 15. For the love of beer and hashing, how much time is needed to lay flour for 100 short yards? Once again, I’d like to state that I begged and pleaded on bended knees for every minute the hares asked for…
The first half of the trail was not too grueling; our major difficulty was being able to spot flour that was dribbled 500 yards apart. We had a checkback 7 which we believe was pre-laid as there was plenty of flour for each flour mark. The checkback did not slow down the eager beavers very much as it only took 30 seconds to backpedal 7 blobs. It was however, 30 seconds of excitement as wankers were dodging each other in order to make a U-turn on their bikes without incident. We came across a few decision points that were well-marked, however there were many turns on powder to fool the wankers who wanted to win that day. I must admit, I was very impressed that Half-hash and Arthur Gash chose to ride mountain bikes, knowing it would be a better workout for them (show-offs). I wasn’t impressed however when Gash threw large rocks at my spokes each time I passed him on my road bike.
Our beer check was at the infamous Chuy’s on Country Club which employs the slowest bartender on this earth. Honey, if you’re reading this, you need to pick up the freaking pace and learn to smile for crying out loud! And here’s a news flash—it really is possible to pour two beers at once. Thank goodness the chips were free; Booger and I munched on chips and drank water from our bike bottles while other wankers were standing in line with their thumbs up their bums. I think Pick N Flick and Just Karen had a good thing going by bringing up the rear; they were able to get to the slug behind the bar without having to take a nap in line. When it was time to leave, all wankers were lined up in the parking lot; apparently waiting for the gun to go off. So I took off hard and fast as it was my chance to win!
We were granted another pleasant break beneath a large shade tree in the middle of a crackhead park. While wankers were sucking down highly flammable Jell-o shots, some tattoo-covered crazy man was showing off for Flying Booger with his backwards/upside-down push-ups on a platform. I assumed it was all about Booger’s panty lines; just ask Fatty. While the cooler lids were still open, Half-hash and Bimbo slipped out early claiming previous mother’s day engagements; it all sounded too fishy to me. After 15 minutes, we were off to finish what was left of the 12-13 mile trail, with El Paso and Fat Chicks in the lead. I had to follow close behind them while watching out for Yoda’s bobbing and weaving, as I was the designated trail marker. My hats off to Pigs, as he helped out marking trail after I made a bitch of myself by giving the front riders hell about not marking trail for the snails. Fatty almost won the new Face Planter award as he was jumping things that didn’t require stump-jumping moves; I can tell he had a few of the green-colored Jell-o shots.
The circle was nearly non-existent; the energy was low but we did laugh quite a bit. It was nice hanging out on the patio of Old Chicago; I think we were kept out there so not to scare the young children inside the restaurant. A few things were discussed, I claimed our hash to be a whistle-required hash starting next month and we will announce the newly-acquired “Face Planter” award (thank you Woodpecker for that idea). I will back-date the monthly winners on the website shortly. This month’s Face Plant winner is Cockstalker; as his knees were incredibly dirty by the shot check and he had let it slip that he had to fluff-up his co-hare on trail. We all appreciated Cockstalker giving one for the team!
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